Archive for the 'Humor' Category
Workplace Humor: Challenging Name
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete….
She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones.
It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, “Picabo, ICU.”
Workplace Humor: Signs
Anesthesiologist business card:
‘When you care enough to sleep with the very best.’
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
‘Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’
In a Podiatrist’s office:
‘Time wounds all heels.’
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist’s door:
‘To expedite your visit please back in.’
On a Plumber’s truck:
‘We repair what your husband fixed.’
On another Plumber’s truck:
‘Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.’
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
‘Invite us to your next blowout.’
At a Towing company:
‘We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.’
On an Electrician’s truck:
‘Let us remove your shorts.’
In a Nonsmoking Area:
‘If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’
On a Maternity Room door:
‘Push. Push. Push.’
At an Optometrist’s Office:
‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’
On a Taxidermist’s window:
‘We really know our stuff.’
On a Fence:
‘Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!’
At a Car Dealership:
‘The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’
Outside a Muffler Shop:
‘No appointment necessary. We hear you coming’
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’
At the Electric Company
‘We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don’t, you will be.’
In a Restaurant window:
‘Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.’
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
‘Drive carefully. We’ll wait.’
At a Propane Filling Station:
‘Thank heaven for little grills.’
Chicago Radiator Shop:
‘Best place in town to take a leak
Workplace Humor: Courtesy of UPS Pilots
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said "I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded!
He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
Time to Lighten-Up!
Most people are so stressed today, doing our best to keep up with things, paying bills, handling tasks, taking ourselves too seriously. Too often we forget to take time, smell the roses, get outside and away from the computer, enjoy sunshine in our face, get off the cell phone, and just “be” or find the little joys every day. This serious of “stress” is the top killer today in our culture.
“A merry heart does a spirit good.” Children laugh at everything! The average four-year-old laughs about 500 times each day… and their giggles are contagious! The average adult laughs only 10-15 times a day!
Research indicates that 15 minutes of belly-laughing a day gives the same stress-reducing effects as 6-8 hours of meditation, prayer or SLEEP! Laughter is inner-jogging, or massage for the heart – lowering blood pressure, boosting the immune system, increasing creativity and problem-solving, creating better cooperation between people and improved safety. How can we lighten up?
Put on funny or crazy slippers first thing in the morning, giggling when you put them on.
Notice the silly things YOU do throughout the day.
Wear something outrageous and out-of-style, (a hat, funny socks, cartoon bandages, silly panties) just because.
Take photos of you with your closest friends, pets or family, and have them on your desk at the office.
Sit back and observe your pet… their nature, the funny little things they do which are cute.
Laugh at others, lovingly, observing absurd things people do.
Look at signs posted, how funny they read.
Next time your spouse does something that bothers you, pull back and find the humor in it instead.
Life is too short – to take it too seriously!