Women Step Up as Men Lose Jobs
Cats: Heart of a Woman in Business|Women Step Up as Men Lose Jobs
March 20, 2009
Click USA Today link and story here.
Caitlin Lawson, 17, races into the dining room to report that she has been accepted at her favorite state college. Alex Lawson, 49, a longtime auto sales executive, wraps his daughter in a bear hug. Beaming nearby is mom Antonia, 50, aka "Tuppy," whose colorful works of ceramic art fill the family’s immaculate suburban home.
But like many images in these ruthless times, this picture deceives.
The Lawson home is spotless because it’s for sale so they can reduce their debt. Alex has been unemployed for nearly a year; in January, he had a stress-induced stroke. Tuppy became the financial head of household overnight: She has abandoned her decade-in-the-making art career and taken a sales job at the local Apple store to keep her brood, which includes another daughter in college, solvent.
"It’s all so bizarre," says Tuppy, head tilted, looking like someone who has just been told the moon really is made out of cheese. "But I’m going to do what I have to do, and do it the best I can."
Throughout the USA, moms such as Tuppy are rushing to the helm of the family ship.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics:
67% of women with children under 18 work
and women make up 46% of the labor pool.
But this recession could soon make women a majority of America’s workforce: 82% of the 2.5 million jobs lost since November were held by men.
Behind that cold statistic is an often heated rearrangement of the family dynamic. With gender roles and responsibilities being radically redefined, wives now face the pressure inherent in being the sole breadwinner while also retaining their household responsibilities. Meanwhile, husbands must reconstruct their definition of contributing to the family enterprise, often swapping a paycheck for a broom.
Working mothers — and just a few fathers, as many declined to talk — reveal equal parts pride in leaping into the breach, and frustration that things have come to this. Some express relief at seeing a husband develop new at-home skills; others despair when a spouse simply shuts down.
What all of them exude is an ability to focus uncomplainingly on taking care of business.
"Times are a-changing, and you got to roll with the times," says Christina Fekas-Gorman, 34, of San Diego, a secretary in the county offices who recycles cans for cash to cover staples such as diapers for 2-year-old Zoe.
Husband Sean was laid off from a pool repair company a year ago and quickly sank into depression. The couple fought a lot, and he moved out.
"I felt like, ‘I cook, I clean, I shop, and now I’m the only one with a job?’ " she says. "That got physically and mentally draining real fast. He apologized and came back home."
A silver lining?
Some observers say the recession could benefit women’s march toward social equality.
"How interesting that four months of a terrible economy could in a way prove to have more impact than four decades of feminism," says Amy Keroes, founder of mommytrackd.com, a networking site for working mothers.
"The women on the site who are primary breadwinners say they’re proud to be that, but at the same time there’s also a longing to be home," she says. "The economy has simply taken choices away from people."
Past recessions and, notably, World War II also saw women charging into the workforce. But those leaps forward were often accompanied by steps back into the home, says Rebecca Traister, who writes on women and politics for Salon.com. This time, she says, things will be different.
"Feminism laid the groundwork for progress in income, in job positions," she says. "On top of that, now you have a radical shift in the view of fatherhood and its importance. So really what remains to be seen is whether that all translates into (a male) embrace of the drudgery that is domestic work. Either way, these times will require a huge re-imagining of roles."
In the best cases, which the Lawsons typify, these domestic flip-flops are faced with both humor and acceptance.
With Tuppy’s peaceful daily routine — tea and National Public Radio, waiting for inspiration to strike — replaced by a daily job, art is but a distant memory. "I can’t really think of anything I want to create," she says.
Alex has learned to conjure family dinners, searching for recipes when not pumping out upward of 40 résumés a month.
The idea to sell the house was his. Tuppy blanched at first, then agreed it made sense.
"We’d sell anything to help our girls stay on their academic tracks," says Alex, whose eldest is a junior at Stanford University. The family is awaiting word from both girls’ schools about financial aid, which will determine their scholastic fate for next year. Until then, selling the house helps the Lawsons become debt- and mortgage-free. And flexible.
"If I land a job, we can go as far as Timbuktu," Alex says.
In the meantime, Alex says he has a newfound appreciation for the simple pleasure of returning from work to a cooked meal. And Tuppy "finally understands why (Alex) would come home and insist on a glass of wine," she says. "After a day of customers asking questions, I totally get it now."
But for many families, the turmoil that sweeps through the house when a husband is laid off can have the effect of a tornado ripping through a campground.
Life was good for Bridget Culpepper, 37, and her husband, who had a successful career in the mortgage business in Portland, Ore. "Times were great," she says. "He’s a good person."
The freefall was painfully long. With the mortgage industry in decline last year, her husband retreated into online gaming. Culpepper began to work, taking any job she could to help provide for the couple’s two young girls, from freelance Web design to running Spanish-language play groups. "I was sure things would turn around," she says.
Instead, the couple lost their house and cars. Then she nearly lost her will: "I hit a wall, and contemplated suicide."
The couple separated. He lives with his parents and she lives in a rented apartment with the girls.
"This is happening to many people I know," she says. "The ones who do OK are in partnerships in which sometimes you know that the parts might shift. There’s excitement in redefining roles. But a lot of people are having a hard time with it."
Count Teresa Maute-Carr, 37, of Quakertown, Pa., in that group. After her husband lost his longtime construction-related position in February, her job — and health insurance — in the billing department of a local hospital became the family’s lifeline.
"We were always people who lived within our means, we didn’t do anything wrong, so why are we paying for it?" she says, her voice cracking. "I sweat bullets to stay within our budget. Our 6-year-old keeps asking why Daddy is still at home."
And that frustration shoots in her husband’s direction. "I want to yell, ‘Just fix it.’ But I know it’s not his fault."
After a long silence, Maute-Carr laughs. "I will say it’s easier now to ask my husband to unload the dishwasher or to vacuum," she says. "And I do think he might see me differently. He admires me."
‘This is what needs to be done’
There’s mutual admiration in the Lage home in Richmond, Va.
Both Cheryl, 44, and Scott, 41, have roots in the ad production world. When Scott’s 15-year career with Circuit City crashed to a close in January, he was left with part-time employment while Cheryl scrambled for work after seven years at home with twins.
"The way it worked out with us both freelancing is great," she says. "And he’s home a lot more. I loved being with the kids all the time. But this is what needs to be done now."
In the Bretana home in Irvine, Calif., Anne, 42, is impressed with the adjustments made by husband Louis, 43, who has quickly developed go-to dinners and figured out the school schedules of daughters Emilia, 5, and Lily, 3.
"I’m not going to say it wasn’t hard at first, to go from being the guy bringing home the money to being in charge of shopping, but I look at it as a chance to expand some skills," says Louis, whose architecture firm cut him back to half-time recently. That means he has home duty but also needs to make sure clients are happy.
Anne is in the same field; she works 80% and is now pushing to go full-time. "There’s a lot of pressure on me to make sure I’m not laid off," she says.
"I didn’t think I’d be dealing with this sort of situation in my 40s, when our careers and lives should have been well-defined. I thought life would be different. But there you go."
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Heart of a Woman in Business
by 8-time Business Owner, Sheryl Roush
Stories, Strategies and Skills for Business Success
Available at Amazon.com, or click here
